So I’m getting married in just a short few months (roughly 10 weeks) and it’s time to get into crunch mode. I’m going to make it my goal to try to lose 50lbs in 10 weeks. I know that it’s aggressive but I’m convinced I can do it if I really put myself to the test and push. That would put me down from 280 to 230. I’ve lost 15 lbs over the last 8 weeks by just watching what I eat but not really trying. That has to stop.

Any suggestions on what to do to make sure I stay on track? I’ve never had the motivation to really try before but I’m finding it in my soon to be wife.

Today starts day 1 of our Biggest Loser Contest at work. We are doing it corporate wide and there are around 40 people doing it. I have 138 days until the wedding and I’d like to at least say I tried. Here goes nothing!

In the last 2 weeks I’ve been starting this lifestyle change (Again) there has been let’s count: 4 days of free pizzas, 2 pot lucks, 3 mornings with donuts.

I’ve managed to resist them ALL.  It’s really hard though.  My justification:  I know what calories I’m putting into my body if I eat what I prepared.  I’m trying to stay under 2100 and I’ve been doing it!

@ali_sweeney – Allison Sweeney

@petethomas – Pete Thomas

@danevansmusic – Dan Evans

@biggestlosermat – Matt Hoover

@bobharperanthem – Bob Harper

@mytrainerbob – Bob Harper

@jillianmichaels – Jillian Michaels

@kristinsteede – Kristin Steede

@jeneisenbarth

@hollieday

@bl6stacey

@amy_cremen

I finally got around to watching the Biggest Loser last night that I had taped from the week before (the one where Rebecca got voted off).  I really liked that episode because it triggered a few things in my mind that  I haven’t dealt with in a long time.

There were two parts in particular that really got me thinking.

1.)  There is a part where Amanda said when her Mother saw her she made such a  big deal about how proud she was and how good Amanda looked that it really motivated her to lose that weight for the week.  It made me realize how much I don’t give enough feedback to my fiancee on her weight loss journey.  I know she’s been having a hard time keeping at it and I realized it’s because she thinks I don’t care.  Now, while this makes me feel terrible after realizing this, I know and I hope she knows that’s not true.  I’m very proud of her and I love that part about her that is passionate about wanting to look good and care about her health.  I ended up telling her all of this once I realized it.

2.)  There is a part where Jillian really gets on Rudy about the root cause of his emotional eating.  It made me start to really think hard about how I ended up at close to 300lbs.  I think I might have started to scratch the surface on why this is and let me try to explain…

I have some issues with abandonment.  I’ve never felt like my parents abandoned me but I think maybe subconsciously maybe I do.  My mother divorced my Father when I was very young and eventually remarried a guy and had my  brother.  She then divorced that guy for the exact same reasons (she was repeating a pattern).  When she divorced him she had to make a choice… stay with my brother’s Dad and deal with the abuse, or leave and raise my brother without me.  She could only afford to take care of one of us.  Being that my Father was in the picture I went to live with him.

My Father worked 60-80 hours a week to provide the lifestyle that he thought we needed and I’m grateful for that.  I really just wanted him to be around more instead of buying me things but that’s what happened and I’m fine with it.  I’ve also had a few of my closest friends pass away in tragic ways and each time it has crushed me.  I found myself attracted to girls that didn’t want much to do with me and treated me poorly and I self sabotaged anything that was even close to being stable and consistent until I met Mikaele.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life creating situations where I feel alone and therefore eat to feel better about it.  The question I can’t answer is why would I create these situations for myself if that’s the problem I have in the first place?

I think I’ve come a step closer to actualization of what started me on this path.  I just need to forgive myself because it’s not my fault that these people left when they did and start living my life.  I need to lose this anchor of 80lbs that has been holding me down for the last 12 years.